


Tastes of Sunlight

by koonutkalifee



Category: Free!
Genre: Hinted at Underage, Jealousy, M/M, so little dialogue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-02
Updated: 2014-12-02
Packaged: 2018-02-27 19:33:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2703899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/koonutkalifee/pseuds/koonutkalifee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Neither of them actually remember when they met.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tastes of Sunlight

**Author's Note:**

> When I say hints at underage I mean it's barely mentioned and they're fifteen, in case that grosses anyone out.

Neither of them actually remember when they met. It was before their memories matured enough to hold on to anything more than flashes of colour and sound, although often, if they tried to remember, they saw the other in these flashes of memory.

Haru had met Makoto in pre-school. Makoto had just sat down next to him one day and hadn’t left his side. When Haru’s mom came to pick him up she found him sitting on the carpet staring earnestly at an unknown little boy with big green eyes and messy brown hair who was telling him a story about a lake he’d visited.

Haru’s mom had hidden her smile at the sight.

It was Makoto’s dad that came to pick Makoto up first the next day, and he’d been greeted by the sight of his son holding hands with a sombre looking boy who seemed far, far too small. Makoto was telling a different story today, this time about a dolphin.

Makoto told his mom and dad excitedly about the boy in his class who loved to swim and liked dolphins, and Haru told his parents that there was a boy in his class who didn’t mind he didn’t talk so much.

 

The first time Makoto and Haru went swimming together, Haru had already dived in before Makoto had finished changing. Makoto smiled indulgently at the sight, then stared open-mouthed at how graceful Haru was. Haru swam around the small pool, not noticing his friend’s awe, oblivious to the world submerged as he was.

Makoto climbed in eventually and began swimming on his back, not as fast or as graceful as Haru but just as blissful. The two swam together, Makoto sensing that Haru didn’t want to be talked to in the pool.

 _You_ _only swam on your front today_ Makoto had said later, and _I only swim free_ Haru had replied as they were changing into normal clothes, and Makoto nodded quietly. The two boys wandered out to find Haru’s parents, holding hands, and Makoto asked for popsicles because Haru wouldn’t.

 

Haru didn’t know what to do when he saw Makoto afraid of the ocean. Of water, the only place other than Makoto that felt truly safe, like home. So he clung onto his hand and stood as close to him as he could, and when Makoto stood there shaking silently with tears on his face Haru tugged him to sit on the outdoor stairs and let him fall asleep with his head on Haru’s lap. Makoto’s parents found them like that, with Haru sat keeping vigil over their peacefully sleeping son.

Haru fell asleep being carried home by Makoto’s parents, and woke up some hours later clinging to a half-awake Makoto. Makoto wasn’t crying anymore, and Haru stroked his hair with hesitant, uncertain fingers.

 

Makoto suggested the swim club, and Haru agreed because it had really been Haru suggesting it, and Makoto always just knew what Haru was thinking. Makoto watched with pride as everyone watched Haru swim with the same admiration he’d had, still had.

Later, Makoto gave Haru the dolphin keychain and Haru smiled at him properly and Makoto thought he might be in love, and told him with all the seriousness a five year old could.

Haru said it back, but not with words, and it was fortunate that Makoto had always been fluent in the tiny, tiny gestures and facial expression of Haruka Nanase.

The two wandered out to meet their parents with their hands firmly clasped together.

 

They were seven and lying on their stomachs in Haru’s bedroom drawing pictures when Haru announced that Makoto was his favourite person ever. Makoto had nodded and carried on drawing his picture of them swimming with dolphins. _I love you_ , he’d said back, the same words he’d used when he’d been five, only this time he’d spoken second.

 

Rin was like fire and a hurricane and he changed everything and anything he touched, and he’d touched both Haru and Makoto.

He lit a fire when he swam and for the first time Haru had someone he wanted to race, someone he wanted to compete with and Makoto saw Haru almost openly enthusiastic about anything for the first time, and when he left he left Haru with a fire that turned to ash when they swam together six months later, and Makoto was left wondering why Haru didn’t hold his hand anymore.

Haru didn’t swim again, but Makoto did.

 

It was walking home from middle school along the clifftop that Makoto kissed him, and then blushed and looked at the ground. It had been closed-mouth and only seconds long, and Makoto’s lips were curiously warm and dry. Haru wondered if it could be considered different to all the times they’d kissed each other (or, he supposed, Makoto had kissed him) as children. He decided it somehow was, and kissed Makoto back, a moment later, again with his mouth closed.

Makoto had looked at him with his eyes shining brighter than the sun setting behind him, and Haru was suddenly, eternally, grateful that Makoto had picked him.

 

Haru had started to hold his hand again, and Makoto lit up like a beacon every time he did.

 

Makoto overheard someone behind him in class saying he thought a boy in their year was disgusting because he’d kissed another boy and a part of him curled up in disgust at himself and a part of him burned with anger and in the end he just ignored it, ignored the person behind him in class. He wondered what Haru would think of such a comment, and smiled faintly when he realised the blunt dismissal it would garner.

The person behind him was an idiot, he decided, and resolved to share this thought with Haru.

 

They didn’t kiss each other very much, and they didn’t kiss each other when other people were around. But they did kiss each other, and hold hands, and curl up together under their blankets when they watched films. They knew, in the abstract at least, that usual best-friend relationships were not like this. And neither of them cared about that, because the other was happy.

 

Haru gave Makoto a box of chocolates for Valentine’s Day that year, and Makoto blushed and said he didn’t think Haru would want to do Valentine’s Day and didn’t get him a gift. Haru demanded Makoto kiss him as payment and Makoto did, kissing him in the empty hallway in their school.

This kiss lasted longer than the other ones did, and when Makoto pulled back both their faces were flushed red and they were breathing slightly harder than normal.

 

People thought their relationship was odd, but Makoto could charm anyone and Haru just didn’t care what other people thought of him (except for Makoto, but Makoto was always the exception) and so people’s sideways glances and hushed whispers never progressed further than sideways glances and hushed whispers.

 

It was when Kisume slung his careless arm around Makoto and stuck his tongue out at Haru that Haru realised that what he and Makoto had was not necessarily permanent, was not necessarily carved in stone and not necessarily going to stay that way forever.

He didn’t say anything. He just glared, and later refused to hold Makoto’s hand.

Makoto, with the patient wisdom so rarely granted to one so young, realised that Haru was upset because of Kisume’s hugging, and moved to sit closer to him without touching him, because that was what Haru wanted.

He thought for a moment of Rin, and how Haru had refused to hold his hand after he left then too, but decided that bringing that up would just be mean.

The next day Makoto clumsily kissed Haru when he came to pick him up for school, and Haru held his hand later, even after Kisume put his arm around Makoto again.

 

They went to the same high school and Haru continued to refuse to swim and Makoto continued to swim and although they didn’t talk about it Makoto wanted to, but he didn’t.

 

Their first year of high school was dull and predictable. But then they were kissing for slightly longer than they used to, even longer than the time Haru gave Makoto the box of chocolates and they kissed in the empty hallways, and they always pulled away gasping for air despite their swimmer’s lungs.

They kissed for longer than they used to and when they held hands neither could look the other in the eye and they still curled up together except they ended up kissing more often than not when they did, and sometimes they’d wake up alone with their pyjamas sticky because of vague, burning dreams they’d had of the other. Neither mentioned them but both knew.

They were fifteen the first time they came together and lay on the sofa in Haru’s empty house panting with the aftershocks for half an hour at least. Haru sprawled over and curled into Makoto with his head tucked under Makoto’s chin and Makoto wrapped his arms firmly around Haru and although both of them had most of their clothes on anyway the blankets on Haru’s couch had been pulled up to cover them both, and both of them thought how much life home the other felt. Makoto kissed the top of Haru’s head and they both fell asleep there like that, slept until the next morning when they realised that nothing had technically changed even if everything had.

 

Their second year of high school and suddenly Nagisa was back in their lives, bouncing and giggling everywhere and making Makoto laugh and Haru faintly smile and suddenly Haru had agreed to swim competitively again. Makoto’s heart had thudded when Haru had agreed, and he’d told Haru this later when they were almost outside Haru’s house. Haru didn’t reply but Makoto was glad he’d told him, because Haru had been hurting for years about this, and maybe this was him getting over what he and Rin had had-

Makoto knew he shouldn’t get jealous, but he did.

 

They saw Rin at their old club, and part of Makoto was overjoyed to see his friend again after so long, so very long, and the tiny, jealous part of him he kept hidden away from the light screamed in fear because what if Rin took Haru away again? What if he hurt him again?

But it didn’t matter how jealous he was, because Rin and Haru were getting ready to swim and Makoto had to stop them because that was what Makoto did, that was who Makoto was in their circle of friends.

Rin turned and walked away and Haru was cold for a week, and although Makoto could never hate Rin that was as close as he ever came.

 

Nagisa dragged Rei into their world, and Rei somehow fit in perfectly despite – or perhaps because of – his oddities. Haru hadn’t trusted him at first, because Rei didn’t like water, didn’t understand it, but he’d tried to swim so hard that Haru forgave him for it.

Nagisa was head-over-heels within a week.

When they’d seen him swimming butterfly for the first time Haru had almost smiled, and had been happy until the creeping thought of doing a relay with the four of them slipped into his mind.

Relays reminded him of Rin, and Rin’s name in his head tasted like ash in his mouth.

Makoto tasted of sunlight.

 

Training camp had sounded like fun, and Makoto was determined to get over his fear of the ocean, and so he’d encouraged the idea until it became a reality. Haru had spooned up behind him and asked if he’d be okay with it, and Makoto had curled himself smaller into Haru and said he’d be fine.

He wasn’t fine. He’d almost drowned. He’d almost drowned trying to save Rei and as Haru knelt and watched him cough himself back to life he noticed his own pale hands shaking shaking shaking.

Makoto had almost died.

Makoto had almost died and Haru would have had to sit and watch it happen.

Haru pulled Makoto into his lap – never mind he was bigger than Haru, never mind that they were both cold and dripping wet – and curled himself around him as best he could. Makoto laughed softly at him and Haru’s cheeks flamed red but Makoto seemed perfectly content to curl into Haru’s lap like he had when they’d been small.

They’d heard Rei and Nagisa calling, and had separated before they were caught. The two stood up to find them, and then they were walking up to an abandoned lighthouse and Makoto was afraid again, only this time he wouldn’t drown and Haru was there, Haru was there and so he was safe.

Haru snapped when Rei asked why Makoto was afraid, and Rei and Nagisa both looked at him in shock. He’d never shouted before.

Makoto’s face was soft and slightly surprised and Haru could see he felt better that Haru had given him the option of staying quiet. But being Makoto he didn’t, and Haru watched as he told their friends the story of how he came to be afraid of the ocean.

He left out the part where Haru had held him until he’d slept, although the slightly unsteady glances at Haru told Haru he hadn’t forgotten it.

The two slept tangled very close together that night, and neither Rei nor Nagisa commented on it.

 

Makoto’s mom came into his room, and softly said that she and his dad knew about Haru and him, and that they loved him anyway. Makoto had nearly cried, until she threw a packet of condoms at him and told him to stay safe.

Makoto had choked on his laughter, and when he told Haru the next day Haru had definitely smiled, if only a little bit.

 

Haru didn’t say anything after he was cornered by Rin in the shopping mall, but Makoto pulled him in close anyway.

 

Rei and Nagisa who didn’t know (couldn’t know) how Rin and Haru had been wanted to convince Haru to do a relay with them, and Makoto didn’t know how to tell them not to without explaining Rin to them. So he sat quietly at Haru’s window as they left the voicemail and hoped Haru would come back soon.

When they found Haru’s phone still at his house he decided to wait for Haru, to try and make it hurt a bit less, but fell asleep before Haru got home.

He woke up to the voicemail ending and Haru staring down at him with a kind of soft wonder.

Haru said he’d do the relay.

 

They got to regionals and Haru told Makoto that he loved him, sitting in their small hotel room, and Makoto’s blinding smile filled Haru’s stomach with so many butterflies that he had to leave, had to go running to calm down because Makoto’s smile was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen and he didn’t know how to deal with it.

Rei agreed to let Rin swim in his place, despite how much he had worked and despite how much he wanted to swim with them. Makoto had seen a faint shadow of sadness flit over his face, and thanked the gods that Rei understood Haru so well.

Yes, they’d been disqualified but that didn’t matter, how could that matter? Because the four of them were finally together again, not fighting and Makoto could see Haru and Rin letting go of the toxic thing that had been eating at them both.

Makoto stayed around Haru’s that night, and neither slept until very, very late.

 

Their third year started and suddenly it was like they were both tied down with the pressure of choosing a university, choosing a career, choosing the rest of their lives. Makoto said he’d figure it out later and Haru said he just wanted to swim and both could feel the other lying to themselves.

 

That year they breezed past sectionals and Haru continued to ignore college offers and Makoto continued to ignore the future too.

 

Makoto volunteered at the swim club and Haru didn’t pay it any mind until he dropped Makoto’s phone off there and Kisume was there, just as loud and obnoxious and bratty as he had been all those years ago and Haru glared at him so very coldly and for once Makoto didn’t notice Haru’s anger.

Makoto showed up to volunteering next week with bruises on his neck and shoulders and Kisume could only stare in shock at them. Haru smirked faintly when Makoto complained about the staring and decided that hickeys were a good way of saying ‘taken’.

 

Regionals drew nearer and Haru had almost stopped talking, had reverted back to being five or six and making Makoto talk for him and Makoto was _worried_ , and when Haru stopped mid-race and climbed out of the pool and disappeared until the next day Makoto sat hunched in on himself under his blanket in his not-supposed-to-be-empty hotel room and let a few tears slip out because he knew Haru never would.

Haru was there when he woke up, in the bed across from him, and Makoto wondered how late he’d been up that he was still asleep, even after Makoto was awake.

 

The college offers stopped after that disastrous race, and Haru seemed less on edge once they had, and Makoto wondered how to tell Haru that he knew what he was going to do after they left high school.

Makoto realised that he missed Haru. It felt silly, because he saw Haru every day, but he still did.

 

They fight, and Haru was filled first with rage because Makoto hadn’t told him, Makoto hadn’t told him he was going to leave him alone for Tokyo. The rage gave way to misery and he curled up under his blankets and put the dolphin keyring Makoto gave him when he was five on his finger like a ring and stared at it with blank, dead eyes.

The guilt hit some time later when he remembered what he said to Makoto, and he squeezed his eyes shut and prayed for sleep.

They fight and Makoto was filled with an anger that he didn’t know where to direct because he wasn’t angry at Haru and he wasn’t angry at himself and he ended up going running until half two and crawling into bed ridiculously late and trying not to feel anything.

His stomach twisted with worry and he prayed that Haru would forgive him for trying to force him to decide.

He woke up the next morning to find that Haru had gone to Australia, and Makoto smiled and shook his head and honestly tried to laugh about Haru handling a fight in the most dramatic way possible. He supposed it was his fault for texting Rin in the first place.

Rin could tell the two fought. Haru had never been communicative but he’d never been this pale and drawn either, and he jumped when he realised Rin had left his sitting by the fountain alone.

Rin mentioned it and the colour bled out of Haru’s face and Rin didn’t mention it again.

 

Makoto decided he was going to wait for Haru and Rin at the airport, even if Haru still didn’t want to see him, and so when Haru looked like he’d never even considered that Makoto would be at the airport his heart broke a little. But Haru was looking at him like he’d hung the moon and Makoto wanted to kiss him in this crowded airport terminal and Rin was looking at them like he finally understood.

Makoto did not have to miss Haru anymore, because Haru had come back from Australia with light in his eyes and hope on his face and Makoto wanted to stand and watch Haru shine forever.

 

They won nationals.

They won nationals and Haru was laughing and all four of them were together, for the last time as high-schoolers but this was just the beginning, could only ever be the beginning and Haru let his fingers brush over Makoto’s for a fraction of a second while the four of them hugging was projected onto the screens in the huge stadium.

They held hands under the table at the restaurant they went to as a team for their celebratory dinner, and neither of them noticed their companions alternately gagging and cooing at them.

Makoto reached over to wipe a stray piece of rice from Haru’s cheek and Haru caught his hand, pressing it against his face. Both of them would have been perfectly happy to sit like that forever, staring into the other’s eyes.

 

Haru was lying tucked onto Makoto’s chest with warm arms wrapped around him when Makoto drowsily asked him if he’d miss him in Tokyo.

No. He wouldn’t miss him because he was going to Tokyo too.

And suddenly Makoto was sitting up beneath him and cupping his face and pressing their foreheads together and laughing because Haru was staying with him, Haru was coming to Tokyo too?

Haru just stared down at him and smiled very slightly, and then tangled their fingers together.

 _I love you_ was said a lot that night. _I’m glad you’re here._


End file.
